It’s about understanding the things that are not said alongside the things that are screamed at us. It begins by simply being curious about the behaviours of a child I was still getting to know. I was new to their world and was often greeted with hesitant eyes, big physical reactions and angry words. In return, I offered kind eyes, open arms, and a calm voice. Not always easy, but important as I worked towards connection.

When I entered their world I was met with resistance as the child became frustrated with a task they had been attempting, and they had not yet trusted me enough to accept what I had to offer them.

…but still I remained curious.

In these moments there was no pressure for the child to engage with me, but my curiosity was a simple way of building connection and giving the child clues about who I was, or perhaps who I could be for them. These moments showed them that I was interested in who they were and that maybe I was someone safe.

During the child’s exploration I was met with lots of screaming, frustration and the occasional object being thrown. In these moments I gently moved into positions that protected everyone, including the child. Not always easy, but important as I continued to work towards connection.

…and so, I remained curious.

Gentle words were offered as I named and validated feelings, redirected actions and modelled strategies, all of which provided opportunities for the child to learn new ways of communicating and connecting. It let them know that I am not another adult telling them…

NO!

STOP!

DON’T!

Instead my words and actions let them know that I am here. I get you. I will try really hard to understand what you need and what it is that you are trying to do. I will try to understand how you feel and I know that your behaviours do not define who you are as an individual. I am here to untangle these big feelings, and all of the confusion that goes along with it. I’ll help you to better understand yourself in these situations and empower you to make safe and rewarding choices for yourself.

…and, I will remain curious.

Spending time just outside of the child’s world, giving them the time and space to figure some things out on their own, and then gently stepping in when needed, let them know that ‘Hey, I’m on your side. I like you. You’re really cool.’

I was curious,

and kind,

and patient.

….and when they felt ready, I was invited into their space.

Taking the time to build this meaningful connection was a turning point… for both of us.